Scotch and Pancakes

2011 was a year of major changes for me, although certain things remained the same (as tends to happen).  I grew up a lot over the course of the year - I learned to be OK on my own (really on my own, not just living alone) and I developed a love of bleu cheese, über-peaty scotch, brussels sprouts, and full-bodied red wines.  I let go of certain rules, though I developed some new ones.  I let new people into my life and I kicked others out.  The latter part of 2011 will likely be the most memorable though.

It wasn’t until mid-2011 that I really began to feel like an adult - and it wasn’t the financial independence, increased responsibilities at work, or general lifestyle in Manhattan that made me feel this way.  Rather, it was shaking some of the negative influences from my youth and college days and associating more with a whole host of new and diverse people.  I’ve been exposed to a new side of life, New York, and myself through the people I met and got to know in 2011.  And, by better defining my social life and friend group this past year as compared to years prior - when I would let rules, obligations, and social pressures dictate my life - I felt more mature and in control.  I’ve also discovered a lot more about human nature, interpersonal relationships, and what it is that I want and need.  

Some of the people that indirectly taught me these lessons are still in my life, others are not, and others are being or will likely be phased out - but regardless of these individuals’ roles in my life come next New Year’s Eve, they will always be an integral part of that “coming of age” period of my life - you know, that year or so we see portrayed in movies like Good Will Hunting, The Graduate, and Almost Famous, the period of your life that you one day talk to your kids about as they are finally embarking on their adult journeys.  

I’m excited for what 2012 holds, and I feel like I’m in a much better place to begin a new year of my life - more confident, happier, and self-assured - than I was last New Year’s Eve.  So, to 2011, goodbye.  It’s time for you to go, like each year before you, but I certainly won’t forget you.

I love this person.  And people tell me I have poor taste in men.  I just can’t understand why they would say that!

It doesn’t give me enough characters to be moody and introspective.  So I can only be snarky and vulgar.  For the most part, at least.  You all should follow me there.

Word: Golden Dick, noun, gold-en dick

Definition: A slang term that refers to a male partner, sexual or romantic, with high net-worth who bestows much of his wealth onto his female companion.  Synonyms include “Sugar Daddy,” “Caretaker,” “Baller,” and “Big Poppa,” among others.

“Ooo girl, where’d you get that fine-ass bracelet from?  That shit looks like it must have cost twenty-grand!  Where are you getting all your money from?”

“Oh, you know, God.”

“Oh come on now, I know God didn’t come down from Heaven like that.”

“Alright well, you know, I date wealthy men.”

“So you found yourself a golden dick?”

“More or less.”

“That’s right, bitch.  God didn’t give you that.  God gave you a hole for you to make your money from.”

You all don’t know this, but music is a huge part of my life.  Listening to music is one of my favorite pastimes.  I am totally content just sitting on my couch, listening to music, and doing nothing else.  I can be a bit ADD at times and flip around a lot.  Alternatively, I sometimes find myself fixated on one song and will listen to it 17+ times in a row.  I listen to music in the morning, at night, while I run errands, pretty much all day during work (much to the chagrin of my co-workers, who already struggle to be heard by me given that I’m deaf in my left ear), etc.  As such, I decided to put together a list of my 50 favorite songs of the year - the music that’s been keeping my ears cozy all year long.  Some songs were released in 2011 while others came out in years prior and were only discovered by me this year - so I’ve organized my list into 2011 Songs and Non-2011 Songs.  I initally attempted to order these songs based on my level of love for them, but that was extremelty difficult, so you all should think of this as a list “in no particular order.”  I hope you all enjoy at least one of these songs as much as I do, and I’ve tried to link as many songs as possible to Bandcamp so you all can listen to them in full and purchase them - if you want - in order to support these great artists.  I think they’re all pretty aurgasmic.

2011 Songs

1. Simple Girl - Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.
2. How Come You Never Go There - Feist
3. White Blank Page - Mumford & Sons
4. Let Me In - SNOWMINE
5. The Cave - Mumford & Sons
6. The Bad In Each Other - Feist
7. Skeletons - Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.
8. Comfort Me - Feist
9. It’s Real - Real Estate
10. Love on Top - Beyonce
11. N*ggas in Paris - Kanye West & Jay-Z
12. The Same Thing - Cass McCombs
13. Colorado - We Are Trees
14. Teenage Heartbreak - We Are Trees
15. Dust Bowl III - Other Lives
16. Open Season - High Highs
17. Horses - High Highs
18. Place de la République - Cœur de pirate
19. Vacation Vacation - U.S. Royalty
20. Someone You’d Admire - Fleet Foxes
21. Municipality - Real Estate
22. Wonder Years - Real Estate
23. State / Meant - Megafaun
24. My Time - Caveman
25. Surfer King - A.A. Brody
26. Baby’s Arms - Kurt Vile
27. Companions - Dodos
28. I Want You - Cee Lo Green
29. The Fisherman - Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.
30. Vocal Chords - Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.
31. Crazy Girl - Eli Young Band
32. A Strange Kind of Love - Diane Birch
33. Lovers’ Carvings - Bibio
34. Revenge - Danger Mouse & Sparklehorse (feat. The Flaming Lips)
35. For 12 - Other Lives
36. Midnight City - M83

Non-2011 Songs

1. Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear
2. Satellite - Guster
3. Riverside - Agnes Obel
4. Heaven’s On Fire - The Radio Dept.
5. Pulling Our Weight - The Radio Dept.
6. I Don’t Like It Like This - The Radio Dept.
7. Power - Kanye West
8. Dead Hearts - Stars
9. Futile Devices - Sufjan Stevens
10. Blue Ridge Mountains - Fleet Foxes
11. Meadowlarks - Fleet Foxes
12. Ragged Wood - Fleet Foxes
13. Snow Days - Real Estate
14. Hong Kong Garden - Siouxsie and the Banshees

When I joined Tumblr, I did so because I thought it offered a better platform to interact with other bloggers and potentially other like-minded people than the comparatively austere WordPress.  However, I did not realize that Tumblr was more or less Pinterest Part 1, full of 16 to 19-year-old girls reposting pictures of anything ranging from glitter to hardcore penetration gifs without really attributing anything to anyone.  It can be annoying having my dashboard comprised almost solely of pictures, gifs, and quotes (particularly when they get reblogged multiple times by others that I follow), and sometimes I’m just aggravated when someone posts something I love (a dress, a hotel, a shade of nail polish) but I have no way of finding out where it came from.  I just can’t figure out how no one on Tumblr gets in trouble for essentially stealing the work of others or why we are all so content getting spammed by “curated content” blogs.  To be fair, there are some that I love, follow, and draw inspiration from, but I regularly come across copy-cat blogs or blogs that are more sloppily curated, and I can’t understand how they have amassed so many followers.

I’ve been on the hunt for some great original content blogs on Tumblr, but it’s been harder than I would have imagined.  In my (brief) quest, which took place via a Google search, I came across an amazing article on Get Off My Internets that discusses the way in which Tumblr has completely clouded the meaning of “original content” such that it has become increasingly more difficult to find anyone on here that shares unique thoughts:

I’ve gotta say, this continual PR push from Tumblr that a valued blog is one composed of content that doesn’t belong to the blog owner and is instead the equivalent of an inspiration board or magazine cutout scrapbook has got to be really frustrating to the bloggers that actually try. Even Sara Zucker…must wonder why she even tries. She could start posting photos of her favorite editorial spreads and call it a day. They’d still love her for her “original” stringing together of pretty pictures.

I get that they want blogs with a strong follower base and consistently high traffic, but to say that they chose these bloggers because of original content is way off the mark and, frankly, embarrassing in the way it’s embarrassing to watch someone say something really stupid in front of a crowd. Are they confused about the definition of “original content”? Are they egotistical enough to think they can define it however they want? Probably both.

I could be old-fashioned, but I think it sets a poor example to reward people for hijacking other people’s hard work. Their argument would probably be that the Tumblr platform is designed for reblogging and content sharing. However, if that means that a blog entirely composed of stolen photos with credit only randomly assigned is something to be celebrated, then their leadership is even more intellectually challenged than I thought. Hmm, actually? It’s par for the course.

Ironically enough, I’ve kind of “stolen” someone else’s content for the purposes of this post - but at least I attributed it!  In any event, if anyone knows of a great blog featuring mostly original content, please let me know.  It’s always nice to get a taste of others’ writing styles, be exposed to new ideas and opinions, etc.

I’ve always been one for escapism.  My whole life, I’ve loved acting, dressing up in costumes, seeing plays, going to movies, and generally doing anything that will allow me to be someone else or insert myself into some other life for a brief moment.  It’s not that I’m unhappy with myself or my own life - it’s just that there are so many other lives, situations, personalities, images, identities, etc. that I’d like to try out.  Life is too short for monotony, so I try to branch out and explore when possible.  However, I am very tethered to reality by this unrelenting need to be “right” or “good.”  I am intensely practical and focused on advancement of goals, collection of accomplishments, etc.  As such, I find it hard to engage in any “escapist” activities on more than a superficial level.  Nowhere is this better displayed than through my hair.

I have long, dense, rather pretty hair - if I can go ahead and just say that about myself - and I keep it cut in a very conservative, “classic” style.  There are very few layers in the back, there are long layers around the front to keep it from looking heavy, I part it on the side, I wear it straight nearly every day, and that’s about it.  Nothing too exciting.  I always fear getting a wild haircut, as it takes so long to grow out - and if I really hate it, I don’t know how I would handle being stuck with it for months.  I had one horrible, awful haircut at the age of 10 that ruined my self-esteem and social life for years, and I had another less-than-great haircut in college that required a ridiculous amount of maintenance,  Therefore, I try to steer clear of anything that’s going to be “permanently” ugly or unmanageable. 

I do, however, get extremely bored with my hair and thus my overall appearance, so I turn to color as the solution.  Color can be covered, so I view it as a “temporary” means to imitate some other person who I see any think, “I love their look.”  Naturally, my hair is a light brown color with blondish streaks here and there.  Not bad.  Actually quite pretty.  Nonetheless, I’ve been covering it with dye for the past five or six years.  In just the past 12 months, my hair went from a somewhat brassy, medium brown to medium brown with a smattering of highlights, to a very highlighted blond, to a cool dark brown, to a somewhat botched ombre, and then to a very botched red/plum.  Right now, I am recovering from the red disaster and have been trying to get it to fade for about two months.  On Saturday, I have an appointment at a new salon to try and correct this dye job gone wrong, where I hope they can remove some of the red without having to dye my hair a very dark brown.  Even though I look fine with very dark hair given that my eyebrows are practically black, I’m really more interested in going back to my “natural” color.  When I say natural though, I actually mean a little darker with a few highlights around my face in a kind of ombre style - but certainly no overall ombre again.

How my hair isn’t falling out, I don’t know.  And why I continue to put myself through potential chromatic agony, I can’t explain.  In the last year, four or five of my seven or eight dye jobs have resulted in anger or tears.  As my best friend said to me this morning while discussing my hair appointment on Saturday:

I feel like you going to the salon is like the kickoff at the first game of the Miami Dolphins season every year.  So much hope, but disappointment is inevitable.

So, we’ll see how Saturday goes.  I know this intense red pigment is going to complicate things tremendously, so this might be a month long process.  But I’m kind of excited.  My new salon is in Brooklyn and is half hair salon, half tattoo parlor.  The man cutting my hair is named Corvette and is a former drag queen.  So this is either going to be awesome or awful. 

Maybe this past year of minor hair traumas and thousands of dollars down the drain should be a lesson to me that I should give up this need for escapism, this chromatic wanderlust, and just be content with myself - but hey, where’s the fun in that?

On the Friday after Thanksgiving, I went out to a lengthy lunch with a few friends.  Not only were the food and company great, but we also had the most attractive waiter of my life.  That’s no small feat either.  There are tons of gorgeous, wannabe actors and models in New York that work a day job in the food services industry, but this guy was the most attractive for me.  Tall, lean, bearded, tattooed, with pretty blue eyes and an affinity for my Southern dialect - particularly my constant use of the word “y’all” - this guy is my dream boat.  In fact, he looks like Adam Levine - and he thankfully lacks that annoying, femmy voice.  If you were to read the reviews for this restaurant on Yelp!, you’d actually see several that mention him by name and discuss how beautiful he is. 

In any case, being newly single and kind of pathetic (I had just been officially broken up with four days prior to this lunch), my friends urged me to do something “crazy” and leave this guy my number.  I went to the bathroom and surveyed my appearance.  I was in yoga pants and an Under Armour shirt with dirty hair and no makeup - at best, I looked like a fitness model in training; at worst, I looked like an unkempt lesbian.  Given the latter, I was a bit hesitant to leave my number and be rejected (yes, this guy was a total randar, but coming off of a break up, all rejection is magnified).  Nonetheless, my friends persisted, and I ended up leaving my number and a little note on a postcard at the end of the meal that said something to the effect of, “If you’re interested in having another y’all-filled conversation sometime, feel free to give me a call.”

Two weeks went by and nothing.  I actually forgot about it after day three; that is, until last night when I returned to the same restaurant for dinner.  He wasn’t there, but I ended up recounting the story to my dining companions, all of whom were very somewhat amused. 

Then, something crazy happened.  Around 3:30 today, a text message popped up from an unknown number.  It was him!  And he said:

Hey ___ it’s ___ from ___.  I’ve been out of town for almost two weeks, but let me know if you would like to get together sometime soon.

How wild!  So I guess that’ll teach me an important lesson - you can’t come close to getting what you want if you don’t even put yourself out there.  This will probably go nowhere, but it’s at least a good learning experience.

Per the post below titled “Luck be a Lady,” the first ex-boyfriend engagement to his post-me girlfriend took place yesterday.  I think I’m going to buy some Doritos and malt liquor now. 

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

GIRL and BOY are in the midst of a one night stand

BOY: Oh yeah, girl. You like how I’m hot doggin’ you? You don’t mind if I keep doin’ this, do you? It’s just so good.

GIRL: Sure.

Word: Strategic Reallocation, noun, stra-te-gic re-al-lo-ca-tion

Definition: Rather than breaking up with one’s significant other, he or she would initiate a “strategic reallocation” under which he or she would redirect his or her (former) significant other’s time and attention in the most optimal way / toward the most suitable people.

“Hey girl, let’s not think about this as me breaking up with you.  I’m just trying to strategically reallocate your time, emotions, and vajay in a direction that is more appropriate.  I.e. not toward me.  It’s really for the best - you’ll see!”

“Movember,” as many of you know, stands for “Mustache November” - but why it’s spelled this way I’ll never understand.  Mustache starts with an “Mu-,” so shouldn’t it be “Muvember”?  See, for a long time, I heard “Movember” and thought it would be spelled “Mo’ Vember,” like some sweet, ghetto way of saying “I want more November.”  And, really, who wouldn’t want more of the month of November?  The weather isn’t quite frigid yet - just brisk and cuddle-worthy - there’s the Thanksgiving holiday, and football is getting really exciting.  Normally, I’m a big fan of November.

However, this year, I wanted absolutely no more November, and I’m so happy that we’re in December now so that I can have a bit of a fresh start.  My November started out pretty great actually.  I had a really fun pre-Halloween Day weekend and a lovely date on October 31st.  I then got to see my father for an entire weekend over the first weekend of the month - it was our first time seeing each other in 10 months, and we had a blast.  From that point onward though, November took a turn for the worst.  My lovely Halloween “date” broke up with me, I had an unfortunate professional incident that shouldn’t be mentioned, my ex-boyfriend (and still extremely close friend) decided to take a 19-year-old meatball to the third college formal event in roughly a month (he, like me, is a couple years out of college - don’t ask), a new dating prospect informed me that he was no longer interested if I didn’t plan to “put out” by date two, and one of my closest friends in the world spent most of the month travelling only to move to Paris for a job opportunity immediately upon returning to the city (leaving us, very sadly, with only 15 minutes or so to say goodbye - though I am so excited for her).  To top it all off, work has been crazy, I wasn’t able to go home for Thanksgiving (which is actually a major holiday in my family), and it started to get really cold.  Oh, and I might also be gaining more weight.

But this blog post wasn’t just a way for me to rant.  Yes, that was partially the intent - and, believe me, laying it all out there was kind of nice.  The real point, however, was to emphasis how this new month of December - and really, how every new day - brings the opportunity to put all of the crappy stuff behind us and go forth with a positive attitude and, believe it or not, have things turn around.  It’s only day two of December, but I have already made moves to have a good month.  I’ve reconnected with old friends, made some new friends, picked up pilates actively again, accepted offers to do more things socially, created a restaurant/food bucket list and (already!) started to cross some items off, planned my New Year’s Eve, and redecorated my apartment (just a bit) to make it a little sunnier and happier.

I think all of these decisions are good ones, and I hope I can maintain this outlook that “tomorrow is another day.”  Maybe I should really adopt the full Scarlet viewpoint and decide to take any negativity that comes my way and just “think about it tomorrow.”  But either way, sayonara Movember!  I don’t want any more of you or your boys with hipster mustaches.  December is here and I’m not looking back!